A Rhetorical Box

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Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
1:53 am - of money.
so, there was a concert this past weekend which has provoked all manner of jokes referring to a specific incident of my life. i have been asked so many times in the past four days to re-relate this story to new people that i have decided to simply post an authoritative edition of the work here on the interwebs for posterity, and also so that i can just point people to the website rather than re-telling the story.

some time ago, i worked in business development for a radio group in a major market. one of our stations was a classic rock station. every summer, the morning show went on vacation, during which time some other DJ would normally do the morning show. one year, someone had the brilliant idea of getting a classic rock star to host the program in the absence of the morning show. after being turned down by a half-dozen or more actual and JV rock stars, the program director settled for eddie money. soon afterward, i missed a sales staff meeting and when i came in, my boss had a grin of the shiteating variety which immediately alerted me that he had some task for me which he thought would be both demeaning for me and hilarious for onlookers. i quickly ducked into my office and shut the door, hoping that whatever task he had would be passed off to the nearest intern or annoying promotions assistant. when the intercom beeped and he summoned me like the great and powerful oz to his office, i knew i was out of luck. i went to recieve my fate, and was informed that because i had the audacity to miss a sales meeting (at which i had the important duty of collecting a form that no one, in the history of media sales, has ever turned in on time) i was being awarded the distinction of being the banker. clearly, he had worked long and hard on this line, because there was a brief pause wherein i raised an eyebrow and waited a beat for the punchline. "what does the banker do?" i inquired. "the banker looks after the money," he replied.

the air in the room got very close. we had all met eddie money a couple of weeks before, when the program director set up the deal. eddie, as it turns out, did a lot of cocaine. a LOT of cocaine. he's not really in there anymore. if it weren't for his manager/handler, i doubted he would have been able to operate a doorknob without injury to self and others. there was another shoe somewhere, and gravity was exerting quite a pull. "his manager quit, so you need to be his handler while he's here." it was at this point that i had to loosen my tie. it was going to be a long couple of weeks.

i settled into a pretty good rythm over the next week or so. i'd get to the station about 4:30, and catch ed smoking weed in the stairwell of the office building where our studio was. i was never able to figure out if he didn't see the security camera, or if he just didn't care. i like to think the answer was different every day. after shooing him upstairs and into our office, i would get him into the studio at five. because he was intoxicated at any time any of us had ever seen him, it was decided that he would never be signed into an FCC log, and would not operate the board. he talked into a microphone, and i did the rest. i also was to keep my hand no further than twleve inches from the button to drop out of the seven second delay. luckily, we never had any real on-air incidents. i also had to make sure that all the shades on the windows in the studio were closed. after he got off the air at nine, before anyone else was permitted to enter the room, i was charged with the disposal of anything that shouldn't have been in the room. beer cans, liquor bottles, weed, coke. that part of the job was called "creating plausible deniability."

i made it through the moneyman's stint on-air, and there was only ever one incident. it wasn't my fault. eddie arrived at our office at about 4:15 or so, and one morning actually managed to sideswipe the only other car in the parking lot when he pulled into his spot. he came straight from the bar. i thought i'd dodged a bullet. i was wrong.

within a couple of days, the phone calls started. over the course of my banking career, eddie somehow learned that one of the things i did at the radio station was udate the listing of concerts and events on the website. he called relentlessly. "dan, man, i'm playing a show in madison. you've got to get it up on the website." "dan, i'm gonna be in columbus." "dan, i'm in montreal." "topeka." "reno." it didn't end. he called me to inform me of every show he had scheduled or was playing. individually. he didn't ever talk about more than one location in any one phone call. that would have been more than he could handle. at first, i would try to calmly explain. "ed, we're a detroit radio station, i don't think we have a lot of listeners in dallas." "ed, those listings are paid for by the production companies putting on the show." "ed, you've told me about this show in madison every day for the past three weeks." eventually, it got to the point where i wouldn't answer my phone in my office anymore. i'd let it go to voicemail and then get back to people later. at the end of the day, i'd sort through a dozen messages from ed to get the two messages from clients or coworkers.

one day, ed figured out (i like to imagine this happened accidentally) that he could press a button and get routed to the main switchboard to talk to the receptionist. now, everyone at the office was fully aware of the situation, and most thought it was amusing. the receptionist thought it was hysterically funny. so much so that she decided it would be a real hoot to acually page me with a call on the intercom when ed called. i'd be in a meeting, and the office intercom would buzz with "dan, there's an urgent call for you on 101." i'd pick up, and ed would be there. "dan, i'm doing an east coast tour. playing boston. get that shit up on the website." i started just transferring him to whomever i felt had wronged me recently. he was a hot potato. but, there was more escalation to come. one day, my cell phone rings with a number i didn't recognize. i answered it, and was mortified to head ed telling me about a show he was going to play in newark or some such place. the receptionist had decided it would be the height of hilarity to give ed my cell and home numbers. from then, it was just on. the phone rang all day. there was no getting away from eddie money. i was all "i wanna go back" and he's all "baby hold on." it was a nightmare. i'd come home and my roomates would be gabbing with ed on the speakerphone, having spent the entire afternoon in this way. it was the local curiousity. people would bring beer and pizza and just hang out waiting for the moneycall. i had to change my numbers. eventually, i got word that ed finally had a new manager, and i got this woman on the phone and told her that for every time i got a phone call from eddie, she was going to get a phone call from me. after that, the calls sort of tapered off. i think he lost phone privleges.

and that's the story. eddie money stalked me for a period of about two months. i thought i was going to end up on true hollywood story as the first person to have to get a restraining order to force a JV celebrity to leave him alone. so, ever since then, whenever "two tickets to paradise" comes on, i cringe a little. well, so do most people because it's a fucking awful song, but i have other reasons too.

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Saturday, August 25th, 2007
12:39 am - stuff
i don't know what made me think of this just now, but i was motivated to find it. it turns out it wasn't very hard. i remember seeing it when i was a little kid watching the best of snl on nick at nite, and loving it but not really knowing why. i hadn't seen it since then. now i understand.

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Tuesday, August 21st, 2007
1:48 am
attention citizens of the people's republic of dan's apartment:

our long national nightmare is drawing to a close.

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Monday, August 13th, 2007
2:56 pm - i've always wondered if Peanuts would suck so much of Bukowski wrote it. it wouldn't.
http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/peanuts-by-charles-bukowski/

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12:23 pm - disorienting
i don't normally get the morning amnesia thing, but for the past couple of days i've awakened to the tast of sorting out reality from the alternative. i think it has something to do with waking up in the middle of a dream, rather than sleeping away much of the morning. last night, for example, i think i had a rather long and detailed dream, part of which centered on a meeting between myself, john hoynes, and my mother about my bicycle.

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Thursday, August 9th, 2007
5:04 pm - my afternoon.
i can't seem to shake my afternoon drowsiness today. normally a couple of cups of coffee or tea do the trick, today they do not seem to be doing so. i've debated the notion of taking a twenty minute afternoon nap, but that never seems to go as planned. i either sleep the rest of the day, or am even groggier than i was when i went to sleep. that's bucket.

on the brighter side, i think the update from Endnote X to Endnote X.0.2 fixes the problem i've been having with importing references from Google Scholar, which will make my life that much easier. we'll call that a minor win.

also, i think i might have some carpel tunnel going on, particularly in my right wrist.

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Wednesday, August 8th, 2007
7:52 pm - here's a hospital i'd actually like to spend time at.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=12629+RIVERSIDE+DR,+CA+91607&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=29.578161,59.0625&ie=UTF8&ll=34.157654,-118.407801&spn=0.000941,0.001802&t=k&z=19&om=1&layer=c&cbll=34.15761,-118.407895

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Friday, August 3rd, 2007
10:10 pm - this is the most comfortable i have been in my chair in about a year.
those of you who have known me a while will be aware that i have an odd attachment to my technology. i'm a cyborg, and i'm generally fine with that. i need my pda, my laptop, my ipod, etc. one of my favorite things on the entire planet has long been my desktop computer. it started out as nothing special, just a cheap emachines model that i bought about four years ago for about three hundred bucks after rebates. in the interveneing years, i have tweaked and added to it, rebuilt it, brought it back from the dead and generally designed my entire apartment layout around it.

last fall, it unexpectedly died. at the time, i didn't have time to resurrect it again, so i just switched off to my laptop as my primary computer and went about my business. i stayed busy and otherwise engaged for a long while, and didn't get around to trying to breathe life back into it for a few months. it's two monitors just sat on my desk peering sadly at me with dark faces every day. when i finally sat down and cracked it open to try to figure it out, it was pretty obvious a major hardware problem. while the machine had lots of important information on it, i could operate without that, and i lost patience at trying to ever get it working again. i had a feeling it was an electrical issue, but i didn't have the diagnostic equipment to figure out where the problem was -- if it was the motherboard, or the processor, or the power supply, or a combination of all of those things. i just let it sit in its cabinet house and pretended it wasn't in there, which was hard, because it's dual monitors sort of dominate my living room. eventually i moved on to the point that i took it out of its cabinet box and moved it to a closet so i could store other miscellaneous crap in there. i never moved the monitors, partly because i have no where else to store two giant CRT monitors.

last week, my dad had a major computer meltdown and ended up buying a new PC, and i spent some time helping him get all the data off of his old one and getting the new one set up the way he wanted it. in fact, i spent the night over at my parents' house yesterday getting the internet connection working at an acceptable speed. when it was all said and done, i sort of envied him. he had a computer that woudl reliably do everything he wanted it to do, and i was struggling with an underpowered laptop and didn't even have all my data archives (i'm a packrat even in terms of data). so, this evening i resolved to get my computer back to life again. i collect bits and peices of old computers because people are constantly asking me to fix their computers, and because i assemble them into working machines when i have enough bits and peices, and donate the resulting PCs to an inner city childrens' computer lab. a couple of hours spent pulling old machines apart and putting those parts into my Frankenstein PC, and it came roaring back to life. to be honest, it was way easier than i expected and i'm sort of kicking myself for not finding the three hours to perform the surgery a while ago. but, i've got a legitimate smile on my face for the first time in a while, because my old friend is back like he was never gone. i've not brought all of the systems back online yet -- the printers aren't reconnected, nor the TV signal, and i haven't plugged its cigarette lighter back in, but i'm confident that i can get all those things up and running with relative ease.

now, when i am in a grouchy mood i no longer have to bemoan not being able to watch a couple of episodes of the West Wing because they are on my dead desktop, nor do i have to suffer the indignity of only using one monitor at a time like some neo-luddite freak. it's probably a sad state of affairs that this is the watershed moment of my personal life this summer, but there you have it. i'm renaming him once again. four years ago, his name was HAL, and then after the first time he needed to be rebuilt, i renamed him asclepius. now his name is lazarus, for he has truly risen from the dead.

i'm a total geek, but for the moment, i am completely alright with that.

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Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
1:28 pm - I got in on the GrandCentral beta.

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Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
2:11 am
so, yesterday i rode fifty-five miles on my bike. that was pretty epic.

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Sunday, May 13th, 2007
11:14 pm

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Tuesday, May 8th, 2007
4:04 pm
for the past few weeks, I have been slowly developing the concept i have for the radio show i have been offered. the conept i have is tentatively titled "everybody is wrong." it would be similar in tone to the daily show, and basicly serve as a conduit for me to point of things that i think are dumb. i forsee plenty of news analysis and discussion, perhaps special guests commentary on noteworthy things that are wrong, and perhaps even a "douchebag v. douchebag" type feature of confrontation between two people (either actual or as a product of creative editing). i think the general idea allows for a wide variety of topics of discussion, can be formatted to be easy to plan and broadcast, and doesn't seem like it would be too time-consuming.

now, all i need is a good list of topics and segments to include with my pitch. got one? fire away.

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Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
3:05 pm - an idea that just popped into my head from nowhere and made me laugh out loud awkwardly
a t-shirt which reads "citizens do it for the public good"

damn, i am a nerd.

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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
9:56 pm
beginning in the coming weeks, i will have a radio program on the WXUT. for a couple of days, i have been thinking of interesting things that i can do with that. anyone have any suggestions?

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Sunday, April 8th, 2007
2:12 pm - free texts
if you are a reader, you may be interested in this very lengthy compilation of books and articles available for download. If you want to bookmark this link, you will find that the list will continue to get ever longer.

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Thursday, March 29th, 2007
4:13 pm - Formidilosus: To John Yoo, Thanks for Everything...
Dan Muszynski and Collin Glenn
University of Toledo

March 28, 2007

Abstract
Our essay examines terrorism as a strategically constructed concept which seeks to maximize sovereign power while simultaneously marginalizing those who use violence as a physical or ontological weapon. Drawing on the work of Foucault, Agamben, Baudrilliard, Eagleton, and others we present a textual analysis of the characterization of “the terrorist.” Using the method developed by Spillmann and Spillmann (1997) and Mersken (2004), we test the claim made by John Yoo that the War on Terror is a new and unique war against a new and unique enemy by comparing texts from Cicero, Robespierre and G.W. Bush. Our findings suggest that the sovereign understands the political utility of consciously constructing the terrorist as a formidable threat. As a result, the sovereign takes on the responsibility not only of constructing the concept of terrorism, but also of disseminating that knowledge as the naturalized definition of terrorism. The implications of the sovereign’s ability to construct and disseminate the naturalized concept of terrorism is that the sovereign is able to control and manipulate the relationship between itself and others (i.e. state proclaimed terrorists) within a process of mutual radicalization of discourse thereby reserving the ability to construct the terrorist as what Agamben terms homo sacer.

Paper prepared for presentation at the annual meeting of the Midwest Political Science Association, Palmer House Hilton, Chicago, IL, April 12-15, 2007.

formidilosus.pdf

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Thursday, March 1st, 2007
7:48 pm - Anna Nicole Smith and Lacan: “This Body Belongs to Me Now.”
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7:35 pm - Rocking the Boat: Plato, Diotima, and Feminism in Symposium
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Friday, February 23rd, 2007
10:37 pm - foreboding.
so, how round is the table if i am the only on sitting at it? and to whom do i politely defer when no one else is there? also, why is the name of the roundtable the name of my paper? this worries me.
hm.

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Monday, February 19th, 2007
6:31 am - hm.
so, britney spears cuts her hair off and it's national news, but I do the same and I don't get a single response to my press release. wtf? in the past three years, spears and I have the same exact number of hit records. why should she get more press that I do? this is yet another example of the liberal media locking out all coverage of my head.

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Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
2:48 pm - When Legend Becomes Fact: John Wayne and the American Identity
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them."

“We are entangled in [John Wayne’s] story, by the dreams
he shaped or inhibited, in us or in others, by the things he validated and those he scorned, by the particular definition he gave to ‘being American.’”


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Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
4:05 pm - next year's oscar for best actor will be going to master shake.
http://movies.ign.com/articles/752/752914p1.html

badass.

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Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
10:46 pm - eleven to seven, instead of nine to five.
today, a member of the council on foriegn relations told me i asked a good question. that was pretty sweet. that's all i got for now.

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Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
3:38 pm - so, this is pretty awesome.

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Saturday, November 18th, 2006
10:43 pm - four thoughts.
1. why is it that television programmers can't manage to get anything good on TV on saturday nights? given that saturday is the day of the week where the greatest number of people do not have work, and are therefore at home, wouldn't it make greater sense to put some of your best shows on for that audience? it's so fucking logical that it hurts when i think about it. why is it that every week i have to deal with the absolute drek that they put on? if it weren't for a new special by the amazing jonathon on comedy central, my whole night would have been a complete waste. it pisses me off every seventh night of my life.

2. why is nancy pelosi third in line to the american presidency? are the democratic members of the house really this stupid? do they really think it's a good idea to waste whatever credibility they have by electing this complete parody of themselves to be their leader? why wouldn't they elect someone who could be taken seriously? it's not like there is a complete lack of such candidates in their house contingent. very nearly, but not quite. i am consoled by the knowledge that it's a temp job. after two years of accomplishing nothing, the next congress will look very, very different. it also helps to set the stage for rudy's rise to the white house quite nicely.

3. why do people suck so much? i just hate them so very, very much. they are everywhere. i can't even sit in my own living room without having to listen to the annoying laughter and merriment of the chicks next door. it sounds like there are about sixty of them living there, and they never seem to shut the fuck up.

4. why do i have so much trouble removing the notion of living a normal life from my mind, even after i've known it was impossible for twenty years? why do i hear doc holliday noting that there is no such thing as a normal life whenever i mull that question? it's just so fucking frustrating not knowing how to deal with social interaction while being unable to avoid it.

that's all i have for the moment.

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Friday, October 27th, 2006
5:28 pm - dumb questions
am i taking a stand on the debate between critical theorists and postmodernists when i tell my microsoft word to "ignore all" when it finds "metanarrative?" it feels like i am, but i don't intend it to. but, appealling to my own intent seems extra pointless, doesn't it?

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Friday, October 20th, 2006
8:36 pm - c'mon.
bread causes cancer. bread. causes cancer. bread.

http://www.thebostonchannel.com/asseenon5/10123140/detail.html

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Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
10:01 am
this is an article covering the decline in coverage of the foley story. metapointless.

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Saturday, October 14th, 2006
8:18 pm - john wayne could kick dog the bounty hunter's ass, i bet.
so, for a class on ir theory this semester, i have to write a series of papers which together will constitute a case study of a given event or institution. basically, the assignment is to choose somthing that exists or happened, and try to explain it from a variety of ideological perspectives. i'm mulling two choices:

1. soviet premier kruschev revealed in 1959 that both stalin and mau had ordered the asassination of john wayne, whom they saw as an icon of american democracy.

2. mexico has asked for duane "dog" chapman, noted bounty hunter, to be extradicted to their lauded prison system to stand trial for being a bounty hunter.

at first, i was leaning toward the second one, but this afternoon i've been thinking that it might be even better to write it about john wayne, and the significance of the john wayne image to american discourse.

hm.

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Monday, October 9th, 2006
12:01 am - we're all boned now.
north korea successfully detonated a nuclear weapon underground a couple of hours ago. it was reported by their state news agency, and confirmed by reports from south korea that a blast of 3.5 on the richter scale was recorded.

it would seem that the world has little recourse but to commence plans to bomb north korea the short distance back to the stone age. we can't allow an irrational actor to believe that he possesses a deterrent. forward deploy the aegis destroyers and get to it. we should probably expect to hear from the president on the matter tomorrow.

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Monday, October 2nd, 2006
4:20 pm - amish people proven right...
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aOgFnfgtqJBM&refer=home

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Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
2:18 pm - apple computer is fucking dumb.
apple computer has recently sent cease and desist letters to a company whose products contain the word "pod" in their names. they claim that the use of the term pod has become so synnonomous with their series of mp3 players that their trademark claims should be expanded to cover the word. this is fucking moronic. will they also be sending letters to groups of whales and the marine biologists who study them? or to any technology company who sells or makes points of deployment modules? or what about xerox, purveyors of print on demand technology? what about any dried fruit whose seeds come clumped together like peas do? what about the breeders - their first album, as memory serves, was titled "pod."

for apple to claim ownership of a word that they pulled out of the common lexicon and used in a product name is ludicrous. it's asinine. could sixapart claim ownership of the words "live" or "journal" simply because they own this domain and those terms can be used to refer to it? of course not. chalk this up as an additional reason why apple is fucking dumb.

read more at this location.

also, feel free to perouse the list of things that the term "pod" can refer to at this location.

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Monday, September 25th, 2006
10:12 pm - the second best show on television
if you are not presently watching studio 60 on the sunset strip then you are spending your time unwisely. it's only ten minutes in, and we've already had the smartest joke i've heard on television in years. it was about william paley, if you're curious.

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Thursday, September 21st, 2006
11:07 pm - a new student group
i've been wrestling for a couple weeks with how to incorporate some rather odd research i did into my thesis (title: 9/11-izing politics). i think i've come to the conclusion that this work, which involves the political status of entities like bigfoot, windigos, and space aliens, probably isn't going to be making the cut. however, i didn't want to just waste it, because it really is interesting, even if hard to take seriously. so, i have come to the conclusion that i will have to present it in an alternative framework. to that end, i will create the framework needed to properly present it.

therefore, i am announcing the imminent creation of the University of Toledo Department of Awesome. i see this as an informal group of students and community members who gather together for the Department of Awesome Sporadic Lecture Series, on various topics which are awesome. i shall serve as department chair, and anyone who wishes to present one of the sporadic lectures may earn a place in the department of awesome faculty. if you are not affiliated with the UT, you can still become a Visiting Assistant Professor of Awesome and present your lecture. i'll begin looking for an advisor and see what needs to happen in order to get established as an actual student group tomorrow.

stay tuned for details on the First Sporadic Lecture of the UT Awesome Department entitled "the politics of bigfoot." if i have my way, we'll soon have webspace at awesome.utoledo.edu. that will be awesome.

if you are interested in joining the faculty, or just being a student working on your BA (bachelor of awesome), please let me know. i imagine i have to have some kind of critical mass of interested parties before being allowed to be an official group on campus.

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5:51 pm - To be presented on Tuesday, December 5th 2006.
I've just heard that the UT Society for Environmental Education has accepted my abstract and the presentation is scheduled for Tuesday, December 5th at 7PM (location presently unknown). You should be there, because it's going to be like nothing any of these people has ever seen.

“Dedevelopment and the Problems of Cost-Benefit Environmentalism”

Abstract:

In order to understand the problems of environmental degradation, we must be willing to investigate how representative democracy and capitalism make these kinds of problems inevitable. Because our economic and political systems are based on property rights, we are socialized to consider human beings as owners, and of everything else as owned. This kind of subject-object distinction has allowed humanity to rationalize the worst kinds of atrocities, and must be overcome. Eternal pursuit of affluence dooms the entire planet. We must live simply so others can simply live. This presentation will address the reasons why participatory democracy and conservation are critically important to reformulating our interactions not only with the rest of the natural world, but also with each other.

Selected Bibliography:

Meszaros, Istvan. Beyond Captial: Toward a Theory of Transition. New York: Merlin Press. 1996.

Mishan, Edward J.. The Economic Growth Debate. New York: Franklin Watts. 1978.

Ophuls, William and Stephen Boyan. Ecology and the Politics of Scarcity Revisited: the Unraveling of the American Dream. New York: WH Freeman & Company, 1992.

Ryan, Michael. Marxism and Deconstruction: A Critical Articulation. Washington, DC: Johns Hopkins University Press. 1984.

Trainer, Ted. Abandon Affluence. London: Zed Books, 1985.

-----. The Conserver Society: Alternatives for Sustainability. London: Zed Books, 1995.

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2:50 pm - a fractal look at the story of my life.
so, this morning, while stopping at the burger king to grab a tasty sammich prior to heading out, i noticed a brief mention in today's detroit news that the royal shakespeare company is beginning a three week residency in ann arbor next month, with performances of the tempest, antony and cleopatra, and julius ceasar. of course, i became very excited at the prospect. to be honest, those of you who know me well enough might accuse me of being excited not at the idea of seeing the RCS, but of seeing patrick stewart perform with the RCS. whatever. however, upon finding the ticket information, i learn that this was actually announced a year ago, and tickets went on sale in february, and in fact every single performance of all three plays has been sold out for months. why the detroit news saw it necesary to get my hopes up like that is a little beyond my present grasp. fuckers.

so, my message is this: if you or anyone you know, has tickets to one of these performances, give them to me. now. i'll become violent if i must.

dan out.

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Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
12:07 pm - richards on richards
if anyone knows who the girl in this music video is, please alert me, so that i may make her my wife. also, the song kicks ass.

see?

you know what i mean?

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Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
10:50 am - i'm lazy, i guess.
i don't really want to track down the email address of everyone who would be interested in my new phone number, so if you would like to have it, drop me a line. that is all.

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Sunday, August 13th, 2006
3:56 pm - random.
i just say a commercial a moment ago. it contained a sentence intended to be taken as "women who eat breakfast, like special k, weigh less." i heard "women who eat breakfast like special k way less."

these are problems which i would think we've have moved past as a species by now.

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Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
1:09 am - i'm awfully smart.
dear representative hairdo:

i told you so. i told you that you were a worthless waste of a congressional seat, and now it has been proved that fifty-eight percent of members of your party in your district agree with my assesment. now you are out of a job. you are a dumbfuck.

sincerely,

dan.

PS - please tell your friend marcy kaptur to strike a police office at the capital, too. that would be rad.

(engage in animadversion)

Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
7:31 pm - hollywood is populated by terrorists.
a really reprehensible movie opened today, and i sincerely hope that everyone will join me in not ever seeing it. it's called "world trade center," and everyone associated with it hates america and is actively profiteering from a terrorist attack against the free world. how so many people could think it was wise to make a living on the deaths of nearly three thousand innocent people is beyond me, but i wish them all horrible painful deaths. the worst part may be that the filmmakers thought that donating ten percent of the millions of dollars they stand to make off of those deaths to victims' charities was enough to grant them contrition. it is not. don't see this movie.

this is irresponsible and unamerican.

(7 animadversions | engage in animadversion)

Monday, August 7th, 2006
3:56 pm - i hate carty finkbeiner
this is one of the more annoying small-scale things that i hate about him.  you may recall that when he was first elected mayor twelve years ago, he replaced all of the stately plain green signs that ringed the city announcing "now entering toledo corporation limit" with some particularly gaudy ones that included "carleton s. finkbeiner, mayor" prominently.  jack ford then had to have them replaced, and did so with a seemingly reasonable compromise of a colorful but simple sign that did not include his own name.  now, all of those signs are covered up with cheap plastic corrugated signs that once again include carty's name.

what kind of an ass wastes that much money on signs three times just so people can see his name?  (the first time, now, and again when he presumably replaces the temporary signs with permanent ones again.)  that means that he will have incurred the cost of changing them a total of at least five times, counting when he leaves office again, all when there was absolutely nothing wrong with the original signs to begin with.  who the fuck cares what the name of the mayor of some two-bit burg is when they are just looking for a gas station and a urinal?

what an ass.

(1 animadversion | engage in animadversion)

2:53 pm - cindy sheehan doesn't love her son.
cindy sheehan is a bad mother. that's the only way i cant think to describe a woman who obviously didn't love her son. after a ill-advised and dismally failed attempt to influence foreign policy through harassment last year, she is trying again. i honestly don't know what this woman is thinking. first, her goal is ridiculous. she wants to meet with the president. this will never happen. aside from the stated policy of the united states government not to negotiate with terrorists, the president of the united states does not meet with unimportant people. he is a busy guy, being president and all. you therefore have to be fairly important to get a couple of minutes of his time. i would imagine that most members of his staff and cabinet are unable to get a meeting with him most of the time, so some random woman from east nowhere stands no chance whatsoever, even if she wasn't a terrorist. further, even if she were a non-terrorist important enough to get a meeting with POTUS, it would be a waste of both her and POTUS' time. she isn't going to change foreign policy by asking the president the end the war. if the war could be ended by asking the president, it would have ended soon after it began. third, she obviously hates the iraqi people a lot. she must be some kind of racist, since she obviously thinks that an american life is worth more than an iraqi life. this is a very salient and defendable standard to hold as a litmus test for being a racist. cindy sheehan is a racist. if the united states were to pull out of iraq and run away, the iraqi government would collapse and the resulting failed state would mean that aside from the entire area being destabilized and the iraqi people threatened by a new, despotic, terror-exporting regime, it would mean that the sacrifice of brave men and women like her son would have meant nothing. this brings us to the worst of her offenses. i have never in my entire life seen as woman as disrespectful to her son as cindy sheehan is. what a bitch. her son knew the risks of joining the american military, and knew what the job he was taking on meant. when he got his orders to deploy, he chose to obey them. he went willingly. he chose his destiny. then, after he gives his life in the service of not only his country, but of all of humanity, his own mother turns her back on his choice and heroism and starts whining like a selfish little bitch about a war which she obviously doesn't understand. here's another thing that cindy doesn't seem to realize. the war has been over for three years. therefore, asking the president to end the war is sort of stupid, because the war ended when we took baghdad. we are presently engaged in post-conflict operations. those take a long time. one might recall that despite the end of the second world war in 1945, post conflict operations in both theaters continued by any estimate into the sixties, and in actuality until the nineties.

i am just sick to death of people who never take time to understand an issue and yet who believe that they have something meaningful to say. they don't. frankly, the war in iraq is the best thing to ever happen in the middle east. it's good for everyone involved. it's bad for nobody. civilian casualties are surprisingly low for this kind of conflict, and the US has lost only 2600 or so soldiers. acceptable force depletion for this war was probably 25,000 at least, since it was 20,000 for the gulf war in 1991. so, we've accomplished every major objective so far, and have lost almost no warfighers. the war was productive and positive. suck it up cindy sheehan. your opinions are trivial and wrong. i mock your belief system and point out your hatred for your own family. i'm not sure how you think you're going to get rich off of this scheme, but it won't work. go home and try to apologize to the family you abandoned.

i hate you THIS MUCH.

(engage in animadversion)

Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
6:42 am - for comments. will be mailed tomorrow.
i just wanted to see if anyone thinks that this is too far out on a limb to walk. if this guy doesn't want my help in an official capacity, he'll still have to put up with it in an unofficial one. that is, if he doesn't respond, i'm going to just go ahead and start blasting marcy on issues in every medium i can think of, and at the end of every communication, note that people should vote against her. i won't mention leavitt's name unless i'm on his staff in some capacity.


Mr. Leavitt:

Please consider this letter a formal audition for a role in your campaign. I sent an email to your information address last week, but have not yet received any reply. Obviously, I hold you and your campaign in the highest possible regard, and am chomping at the bit for a chance to volunteer my time and energy to assist you. I am a full time political science student at the University of Toledo, an astute follower of American politics, and a professional debate coach of a very successful high school team. I am certain that I can assist you in getting your message heard, and I am just as certain that you need people like me. I have impeccable research abilities, a keen understanding of domestic and international politics, computer programming and web design experience, and polished communication skills. I know that I can be of service to your cause if you would give me a chance.

Your campaign has many problems, only some of which I know about. First and foremost is that no one has ever heard of you. I had to do an internet search in order to find out who was nominated to run against Rep. Kaptur, and even after that, I have no real understanding of what your positions are on most of the key issues. I’ve read the entire contents of your website and your blog, and still don’t really know what you stand for. I do know that no one else does, either. As of last week, your blog profile had a total of twenty-six hits, and it takes three or four hits just to set up an account at Blogger. You haven’t even been making posts to the web or posting press releases in the past month. I am unable to find an email listing for information updates on the campaign, and after a thorough search of all the news services I can’t find any significant mention of you or your campaign. I want to change that, and I know how to do so.

Please pardon me for being blunt. You can’t win this election. Marcy Kaptur has over eight hundred fifty thousand dollars cash on hand in her war chest. To the best of my research abilities, you have nothing, at least nothing significant enough to require that you report it to the federal government. Marcy Kaptur has a staff, with paid employees and volunteers, in addition to the support of her party at the local and national levels. You do not. Our party realizes that Rep. Kaptur is undefeatable even in the best of circumstances. The more qualified the challenger, the more Kaptur wins by. This is because she has hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend when confronted by a serious challenge. Last year, Larry Kaczala lost by over a hundred thousand votes, the widest margin of defeat a Republican has suffered in the Ohio 9th in a long time.

I’m sure that none of this is news to you. From that, I can surmise that you entered the election not to win, but to give a voice to your perspective. For that, I respect you a great deal. I share that particular goal. However, telling the overwhelmingly Democratic voters in the ninth district that we should privatize Social Security is not good for anyone. Despite the fact that I agree with you, I don’t think you have anything to gain from that particular choice. Social Security reform is dead; nothing can change that in the present political climate. President Bush isn’t even pushing for it anymore. There is no pending legislation that has any chance of passing. Therefore, pushing that particular issue can only drive a wedge between you and the people whom you wish to address. It closes doors, and gets you written off as “the Republican challenger.” If you want to get your message an audience, you have to choose your message more carefully. To that end, I have a suggestion. There is a single issue that can be tied in to many if not most of your stated campaign themes. Further, Rep. Kaptur is squarely on the wrong side of the issue. You have to campaign in favor of free trade. Allow me to give some examples of how this can help you.

Gas is getting pretty expensive, and before the election may cross the five dollars per gallon threshold. You may recall that in March, the Mexican government announced that they had discovered a new oil field that could surpass the productivity of all of their existing fields. This oil will eventually come to market, and the United States will want to buy it. Rep. Kaptur is against both NAFTA and CAFTA. She wants this oil to cost us more money. She wants gasoline to be expensive. You can capitalize on this. You should be capitalizing on this. You can paint Kaptur as being against American energy security. NAFTA and CAFTA will make it easier for us to buy Mexican oil more cheaply. Rep. Kaptur’s policies would rather we buy oil from OPEC at higher price with less reliability.

Supporting free trade can also help you on the immigration issue. More than one serious think tank has postulated that we can do everything possible to curb illegal immigration on our side of the border, but it will all be for nothing if the situation doesn’t change in Mexico. Mexico does not have the ability to exploit their recent oil discovery, so American firms will likely be doing the work. They’ll be looking for employees to help them, Mexican employees. Free trade creates new jobs for the Mexican people, which is exactly what needs to be done to curb the flow of illegal immigrants across our borders. Beyond this, expanding trade ties with Central American states can only give us more diplomatic leverage on the Mexican government to aid us. Interdependence helps stability. Trade ties make governments want to appease us. Free trade is good for border security.

Free trade can affect the education debate as well. President Bush unveiled the American Competitiveness Initiative earlier this year. ACI is an attempt to revitalize the American education system by improving math and science skills. Free trade helps this cause. It is no secret that by and large, the United States is transitioning from a manufacturing economy to a service economy. Free trade is obviously a catalyst in this transition. Simply put, it is cheaper to make stuff in the developing world. For this reason, labor unions give Rep. Kaptur tens of thousands of dollars to push for protectionist measures. However, their strategy, like Kaptur’s own, is wrong. Nothing can stop this transition. But, we can take advantage of it to change our education system to help upcoming students be prepared to compete in the coming service economy. Free trade can help us to force ourselves to compete economically. We’ll never be a great industrial power again; the sun is setting on that particular day in American history. This is neither good nor bad, it is simply the case. Free trade is good for education.

This is not to say that free trade is bad for the American manufacturing sector that remains. Consider this. Central and South America are upcoming markets for manufacturing goods. American cars don’t sell well abroad. But, with NAFTA and CAFTA, American cars will have an edge when these markets become larger. Fords and Chevrolets will have an advantage over Volkswagens and Audis. This will sustain American manufacturing jobs, and perhaps even create more of them. Protectionist measures like those supported by Kaptur can only hurt labor unions in the long run, and no one seems to be telling that to the labor unions. You can give this perspective a voice.

All of this is on top of the standard arguments that free trade prevents wars, ensures social and economic stability, raises quality of life both at home and abroad, and advances human rights. This issue can endear you to the voters and get you noticed.

Issues like these are plentiful, and represent serious opportunities for you to get your message heard. In fact, mounting a serious campaign on these issues can only help you in the long run; if the people remember you not as “the guy who lost to Kaptur in ’06,” but instead as a serious candidate with articulate and simple arguments on serious issues, you can keep making runs until you win. Plus, Rep. Kaptur gives no shortage of potential things to indict her character for. Were you aware that Kaptur was recently revealed to have accepted money from Fidel Castro and not reporting it? That’s a true story (see enclosure.) Your campaign should be pointing this out. This is the kind of thing that your letters to the Blade should be about.

I hope you do not judge me harshly for being frank and honest with my opinions. I am not looking for anything beyond a chance to help you. If you disagree with me on policy or strategy, I can respect that. However, don’t think that such a disagreement would mean that I don’t want to be involved in your campaign in any capacity I can be. Please do not hesitate to contact me.

Very respectfully,



Dan Muszynski

(5 animadversions | engage in animadversion)

Saturday, July 1st, 2006
12:51 am - i'm sure this isn't news to anyone...
...but holy shit the star wars prequels suck.

(6 animadversions | engage in animadversion)

Friday, June 30th, 2006
7:40 pm - i should be on jeopardy.
i have uncanny jeopardy abilities. aside from generally doing better than the contestants seem to in terms of knowing the required minutiae, i can size up the players at first glance. during the opening, i can almost always tell you who will win the game. today, my immediate pick was the player introduced first. after the first round, that player has ten thousand dollars, the guy in the middle has 4800, and the champion has 600. i am awesome at this.

edit (a few minutes later): now it's a game again. at the end of the second round, my pick was up about 20k over the other two. middle guy uncovers the second daily double on the last space on the board, and gambles everything (about 9k) on the only chance to stop my pick. he got it right, so now he might be able to take it on the final round, topic: children's authors.

in the end, my pick won. the answer was something like "this children's author has said 'max is like my demented son, and he has taken care of his father for life'," meaning that the correct question is "who is maurice sendak." for the record, i did in fact get that right, even though i didn't know the guy's first name. middle guy also got it right, putting him in the lead for a short moment, but the girl i picked also got it right and therefore walks away with about forty large.

i think i watch jeopardy the way most guys watch sports.

(engage in animadversion)

Thursday, June 29th, 2006
1:54 am - a question.
is it unethical to work on a political campaign for someone whose views you do not agree with, given absolute certainty that the candidate will lose? i'm not talking about heading up satan'[s campaign. i'm talking about a candidate who shares most of your values but disagrees on some matters of implementation, and would (if elected) vote in ways which you sometimes would find unacceptable. bear in mind that the incumbant is a person who you find to be in all ways unacceptable as a status quo, but who simply cannot be defeated by their oppponent.

just looking for some input.

(3 animadversions | engage in animadversion)

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
1:21 am - i'm patriotic.
hey, who has got an american flag i can have? i'm going to burn it. sixty-six senators voted today that we should amend the constitutiion to say that protected free expression ought not to include buring a particular combination of pieces of cloth. sixty-six. only one away from sending it to the states. i need a flag to burn.

(engage in animadversion)

Sunday, June 25th, 2006
8:10 am - an open call for pictures.
at the art fair today, i had a good idea. i built a computer using the bits and pieces that i had laying around my apartment. then using google's picassa program, i have created a screensaver of just some of my pictures. now, with that computer networked to my own, and with the small flat panel monitor i wasn't using, i've essentially created a digital picture frame that sits on top of one of the bookshelves in my living room. so far, i've only bothered to drop like fifteen pictures into it, as a proof of concept. i want more. lots more. so, everyone with cool pictures should email them to me at biopower(at)gmail.com, so that i can add them to the mix.

(2 animadversions | engage in animadversion)

Friday, June 23rd, 2006
3:51 am - Corbin, KY; June 18th and Following
just a couple of hours ago, i made it back to my house for the first time in about a week, having had been obliged to participate in a family trip. i will say that it was likely to be the last such trip that i will ever willingly go on. during my absence i wrote copious amount of things down on actual pieces of paper with an actual pen. i really don't remember what exactly any of it says, but over the next couple of days i'll be posting it here as i have time to type it all in. unless i change my mind, treat standard text as what i wrote down in the notebook, and any comments i feel like making shall be in italics. i'll probably try to format it to some degree, otherwise we'll just end up with a single rambling paragraph that goes on for fifteen or so handwritten pages. anyway, i just thought i should explain this one a bit, since it isn't me just making a quick smartass remark or yelling at someone.

I’m writing this down in an orange notebook in the green ink of my own thoughts, original or no, with the implicit assumption that at some point in the future they'll be taken from this notebook and placed in some other medium, presumably devoid of any green ink whatsoever. It’s some absurd hour of the night, perhaps four-thirty or later, perhaps not. It’s hard to know for certain – it’s too overcast to reliably ascertain the position of the moon, and to be perfectly honest, that information would be of little to no use to me in this particular instance. I’m keeping an eye out for it anyway, though. For the moment, however, I have a slightly more pressing concern before me. I’m involved in something of a slow retreat from one of the larger skunks with which I have ever had to contend.

[...]

(engage in animadversion)


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